Cloudy with a chance of a shower and strong winds

It's been a long time come so much has been going on as of late I'm not really sure where to start but here goes I undertook a journey back to the inner depths of darkness a few days ago, you may say huh well it's simple many moons ago I walked away from a situation that pushed me to nearly a point of no return in a place I called home, I was filled with so much intense confliction, hate and hurt I saw there was no other choice but to walk away and so I did and I guess that's what brings me to today's story. I returned back to western Australia not expecting anything but hoping for everything and yet I guess expecting nothing was good because nothing did happen I never got back what I wanted but what amazed me was leading up to my departure and time in WA how many people I had looking out for me and my welfare while I was there, it was truly amazing to see people from all corners of the country from all different walks of life jumping in to insure I didn't fall back into the path of darkness, and I'll tell you what I was close the intense feelings that flowed through my viens as the plane landed and I looked around my old surroundings and haunts and these weren't good feelings but more feelings of hate and hurt and after a day or two it came to me I'm not ready to fight this fight just yet, I may have come a long way in the months leading up to this but sadly I'm only half ready. I learnt so much about me and why I do the things I do in the short time I was over there but one of the biggest things I learnt is I no longer call that place home, they say home is where the heart is well my friends my heart is not there any more and I dont think ever will be but now I'm on the hunt for a new place to call home so if anyone out has any ideas let me know I'm a single male with a little baggage pays my own way and incredibly fun to be round please let me know if you have an idea for me haha so the forecast for cloudy with a chance of showers is now over in my life for the time being and beautiful spring weather is on the horizon for the next few months I tried it I tested it and know now it will never be so my life of the travelling wanderer is no longer on hold in fact its only just kicked into 2nd gear stay tuned so many new ideas will be coming through soon and the entire theme of how this very page comes to you is bout to be revamped and spruced up welcome to my new life stay tuned

Alone

Yeah!

No more I'm taking this hatred from you
You make me feel dead when I'm talking to you
You'll take me for granted when I'm not around
So burn all your bridges 'cause

I'm not going down (down)
This time I will be heard
I'm not gonna burn
It's funny how the table,
how the table turns

You fake (fake!) god damnation
You pray (pray!) for salvation
'cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone

I hope you're unhappy
and hurting inside
I want you to choke
when you swallow your pride
Lay in your coffin
and sleep with your sins
Give me the nails
and I'll hammer them in

Right now
This time you won't be heard
You are gonna burn
It's funny how the table,
how the table turns

You fake (fake!) god damnation
You pray (pray!) for salvation
'cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone (x2)
This time you won't be heard
You are gonna burn
It's funny how the table, how the table turns
You fake (fake!) god damnation
You pray (pray!) for salvation
'cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone
You fake (fake!) god damnation
You pray (pray!) for salvation
'cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone
Just die and rot alone!
This time you won't be heard

Round and round we go, where it stops well I certainly don't know

Every day I get up in the morning look in the mirror and ask myself what the hell are you doing with yourself, like please I'm honest with myself my life is like a yoyo up and down up and down and yet every time i think I'm trying to get a bit of balance or order something happens to prove to me more and more that I have a lot more work to do before I can ever achieve a level of order I want or expect in my life. The funny thing is maybe I thrive on the stess and the unbalanced nature of life in general, hey think bout it 2 kids 2 different mothers and both relationships failed miserably and yes I'm man enough to say I was an equal part in everything turning into a horror story. So the question is what do I do wrong? well I can tell you straight up the problem is I care to much, I'm a hopeless romantic chasing a dream searching for a life that's been dreamed of since a small child and building expectations that cannot possibly ever be met by anyone. So now I've identified where I screw up among many other things that I'll go into one day it's time to ask myself why my expectations so high, come on am I really that bad I just want a woman who respects themselves as well as me, who take care of themself and life their life in such a way that elevates themselves from the lower end of society to upper class, smart and sophisticated type of lifestyle. I want a woman who can laugh and uplift a room the moment they walk in and a woman who can make herself look good with out even trying and without plastering themselves in makeup, natural beauty is what I seek. So please tell me am i asking to much ? Maybe I am or maybe I'm not but either way it's what I look for so reallymthe end of the day am I destined to find that in life, or am I destined to roam the country side in search of something that in all reality does not exist only time will tell I guess, my other thing I find strange is the art of fishing or dancing depending on who your asking. Maybe it's my west Australian country up bringing but I'm the sort of guy who will dance and dance and dance some more but in the end I'll never deny my true feelings or intentions and when I see true potential I move forward and sieze the moment, now am I wrong for being like that. I think not but I need to draw the line in the sand and decide am I seizing something truly great and spectacular or am I just saving another tortured soul. That's been what I've done in the past I found 2 tortured souls and dragged them from the gutter and showed them a life like I described earlier but in the end they just wound back from where they came and as harsh as that is to say it's true. I'm not saying I'm all that but I'm a strong confident male who doesn't shy away from anything and my heart is filled with compassion for anyone who needs my help so I don't think I'm being to snobby for saying that am I. Which now takes me to part once again I've looked and found someone who mets what I'm looking for so far and what's even better is this one doesn't need saving so what's going on? Well even I can tell you that I've got a lot to work out in my head and I'm still healing from my last encounter with medusa but I'm moving along in leaps and bounds much quicker then I thought and thats thanks to that lady out there but it's still a long way to come for me, I still have my morals and values and I'm not going to push anything anywhere till I work out where my heart really is laying, but I'll tell you what it's going in the direction of falling hard but this time I'm going to be smart and pull up now and go backnto finding my true self, the old me the one that everyone who knows me loves and can't get enough of. That person got lost a long time ago and still isn't back but I'm getting there, you know what they say slow and stead wins the race but till next time I'm saying see ya later I'm getting bitten by the bug again the one that says be one with nature and go out bush for a while and pull your head in hahaha

Break me down

It's been a while since I wrote one of these but the fans have been calling and I'm here to deliver. It's been 3 months and 2 days since I left the problems behind and walked away and really has it got any better or am I delaying the enevadable. Careful consideration and countless miles on a lonely dark road have bought me to a place called Newcastle now not for a second did I ever even consider this place as a resting place for me, it was more like possibly Queensland or maybe even Adelaide and both of those places I know and feel comfortable there but this place I'm in now well it blows me away. Do you believe in destiny ? I know I don't but it kinda feels like a higher force has brought me to this point but I'm not arguing with I'm really enjoying myself here and living my life not looking back, I've even met a beautiful woman whom I can't mention any names but if she is reading this I'm sure she will know who I'm talking bout. What can I say bout her from what I've seen she is the ying to my yang but I know it's only early days but I can sense I'm onto a good thing so only time will tell if this story will be a best seller or shot it self down like a b grade 1960 horror movie. The anger inside has wained a little but not much I still scare myself with my thoughts of what would happen if i returned to the dark place from where I met that woman, not even god knows anymore with what's going on cause I've made a choice to stand and live I'll be back with part 2 very soon my friends for know I must put on a cape and save the world I'm no ordinary man my friends

Rescue me

You know sometimes I find it hard to breathe and I drown in my own sleep cause hate crashes over me in ways that even scare me. I miss my kids I miss them terribly I sometimes wonder how I make it from day to day, I look back to the past and at various things that have transpired and my mind casts me back to a time in October last year when I was locked away from the outside world because I was a danger to myself and everyone around me, that time period was one of the darkest places I've ever been to and I think back to what put me there, and the answer is simple........myself and all over the pain of loosing my son. I dont know why I do it cause to the outside world I seem tough as nails but inside I'm hurting and I'm hurting bad. Sometimes I wonder how fathers can turn their backs on their own flesh and blood cause I can't do it, no matter how much I try to let go I just can't do it but I am ok I have my moments when I look at my daughters photo on the main screen of my Facebook page, and through out my computer and all through my phone and all I do I weep inside, but I have found interests and other people who distract me enough to take my mind off the past in particular this one girl I've met, very different from anyone I've ever come across before. Cultured, intelligent and switched on. I've been spending a lot of time with her lately and it helps me a lot so I thank her deeply for that but as I'm aware all good things come to an end and I wonder what I will search for next in my life. This whole fire fighting thing I'm starting I'm hoping will fill a big void in my life, give me a sense of belonging and hope through helping others. You all think how sad is this talking bout this but I can't help it I have been the recipient of so much pain and heartache but I to have also caused so much too, I am no angel actually far from it. A good mate of mine today asked me if after my 2 years are over do I intend on returning back to that place I once called home and after a bit of thought I turn back to him and said no! That's a big call to say that but I don't know but something inside of me is compelling me to seek a higher calling to make good on all bad things done in the past. I knew my journey was not yet complete actually far from it. My new friend surprises me everyday and I can see myself staying near by as I value her friendship but I wonder if this place will be the place to settle down but continue my journey of learning and growth or will it take me to further reaches of this country or world, I like this girl a lot and who knows what will happen next, I know I certainly don't but until that day comes or if it will I hope someone will rescue me

A new revelation dawns

I been round between states a fair bit the last 2 months and I'll tell you what my god have I seen some sites and heard some stories, met some truly inspirational people and also some not so truly inspirational people but all in all it's been a great ride. Now reality has set it self in stone properly now and this is my new home and will be for a long time, now rewind the clock back to feb 13 2011 and hey that was only 3 months ago I still had a misses, kids, house the lot and ain't it funny how quickly things change hey. My journeys around the place has also has given me a Lot of insight into the inner workings of the human mind, and what makes it tick and more so how to solve complex issues. Take this story I'm bout to tell you, bout 2 weeks ago I met a bloke on the east coast who was going through a really hard time, he was a recovering junkie and I would say a few cans short of a 6 pack but no matter his lifestyle choice I sat down with him and listened to his problem, it goes a little something like this. He had a daughter to a woman he didn't think to highly of and she had fled to another state, and yes as I was hearing this I thought wow this sounds familiar but anyways back to my story he was on the phone to his ex and she was telling him how much of a dead beat dad he was and how he would never see his daughter again and this bloke flipped his lid and started abusing her on the phone saying he was going to kill her then get a shot of smack and OD on it and I just sat back listening to this and thinking how fucked the world can sometimes be but I looked at the situation and pulled him aside and he was a blubbering mess and to think it was wasn't that long ago I was like that, yes I know you all remember anyways barely knowing this bloke I calmed him down and gave him some positive influence and guided him in a direction to get his daughter back and to do it the right way without involving guns and bullets I don't know if my talk with him worked as I never saw him again but even if only 5 minutes of my insight helped then I know my job is complete and another story I can tell you I met a truly inspirational woman but she to has a past that she needs to deal with and yes it may be slightly colorful but when I look at this woman I see an emotional scared young woman but she has a strength bout her that I can see and the life she is leading now I know she can pull herself out of and elevate herself to a higher level but I guess at the end of the day she has to want it before it happens but I think no matter what I'm glad I have met these people in my life I feel like I have a Purpose now and with everything else I'm doing in my life ATM couldn't ask for much more but anyways I'm signing out now I'll be back soon

Turning back time

If you have ever loved somebody put your hands up....................................... I once did a long long time ago, i had a woman in my life that i would of died for, stood in front of a train for her, taken a bullet for her swam across the oceans for her but as time has moved on i guess love just wasnt enough. I look back now and i ask myself if i could turn back time would i, change the course of how the story played out well my answer would be no, you might think what the hell but hear me out life will always throw curve balls at us and will always test us in ways that may always seem questionable but if it wasnt for the things that happened to me then who knows how i would of ended up or where i would be but i know for a fact where ever i would of ended up being it wouldnt been good. i guess what im saying is im pushing 30 now and yet somehow its only now things are becoming clear and making sense to me and in ways only i can see but for everyone else around me i can assure you its one hell of a ride. people, places and faces, you know how they show in movies that close to death people have flash backs of memorable parts in there past good or bad well thats what its been like for me everyday but i can tell you im not dying in fact i can say im only just starting to live, but these visions im having seem so real, as real as if i was reliving them again but i know im not but looking back at the last 10 yrs and with everything that has happened each flash back i have i see something different as if im seeing it through my eyes now and not the eyes of back then so i guess its a really good thing the way im looking at things now. Its only just to me just recently that my journey is still not over and my real test is still yet to come so there is still so much work to do, preparing for an uncertain future and for the day that one day i will return back to the place that nearly killed me but the next time i do negative feelings and emotions will be a thing of the past, i havnt given anyone a reason to believe in me by god i never believed in me but time will the true test and its a test im willing to take and pass. I still miss my little boy and girl but realitly has set in now it just isnt going to happen i will not be able to see my son graduate grade 2, i wont be there to teach my daughter to ride a bike, or be there to brush her hair or watch both of them grow into a young man and woman and ill tell you its thoughts like that, thats enough to push a man over the edge and it really is but im ok im just trying to get by and live out my jail sentence well you might as well call it that. At least my sentence wont be spent completely alone ive started to amass a really good support base around me over here and how amazing it is, i dont know if its just me or everyone else but since ive been here ive noticed just how friendly people are and how everyone is willing to help with anything they can but ill tell you something people havnt changed i have and its my change that people are seeing even people who dont know me but like i said its still a long way to go and so im where i belong as im putting my hands high im lifting the roof off of everywhere i go and im happy really happy im home .......................................................................................For now