Turning back time

If you have ever loved somebody put your hands up....................................... I once did a long long time ago, i had a woman in my life that i would of died for, stood in front of a train for her, taken a bullet for her swam across the oceans for her but as time has moved on i guess love just wasnt enough. I look back now and i ask myself if i could turn back time would i, change the course of how the story played out well my answer would be no, you might think what the hell but hear me out life will always throw curve balls at us and will always test us in ways that may always seem questionable but if it wasnt for the things that happened to me then who knows how i would of ended up or where i would be but i know for a fact where ever i would of ended up being it wouldnt been good. i guess what im saying is im pushing 30 now and yet somehow its only now things are becoming clear and making sense to me and in ways only i can see but for everyone else around me i can assure you its one hell of a ride. people, places and faces, you know how they show in movies that close to death people have flash backs of memorable parts in there past good or bad well thats what its been like for me everyday but i can tell you im not dying in fact i can say im only just starting to live, but these visions im having seem so real, as real as if i was reliving them again but i know im not but looking back at the last 10 yrs and with everything that has happened each flash back i have i see something different as if im seeing it through my eyes now and not the eyes of back then so i guess its a really good thing the way im looking at things now. Its only just to me just recently that my journey is still not over and my real test is still yet to come so there is still so much work to do, preparing for an uncertain future and for the day that one day i will return back to the place that nearly killed me but the next time i do negative feelings and emotions will be a thing of the past, i havnt given anyone a reason to believe in me by god i never believed in me but time will the true test and its a test im willing to take and pass. I still miss my little boy and girl but realitly has set in now it just isnt going to happen i will not be able to see my son graduate grade 2, i wont be there to teach my daughter to ride a bike, or be there to brush her hair or watch both of them grow into a young man and woman and ill tell you its thoughts like that, thats enough to push a man over the edge and it really is but im ok im just trying to get by and live out my jail sentence well you might as well call it that. At least my sentence wont be spent completely alone ive started to amass a really good support base around me over here and how amazing it is, i dont know if its just me or everyone else but since ive been here ive noticed just how friendly people are and how everyone is willing to help with anything they can but ill tell you something people havnt changed i have and its my change that people are seeing even people who dont know me but like i said its still a long way to go and so im where i belong as im putting my hands high im lifting the roof off of everywhere i go and im happy really happy im home .......................................................................................For now