Round and round we go, where it stops well I certainly don't know

Every day I get up in the morning look in the mirror and ask myself what the hell are you doing with yourself, like please I'm honest with myself my life is like a yoyo up and down up and down and yet every time i think I'm trying to get a bit of balance or order something happens to prove to me more and more that I have a lot more work to do before I can ever achieve a level of order I want or expect in my life. The funny thing is maybe I thrive on the stess and the unbalanced nature of life in general, hey think bout it 2 kids 2 different mothers and both relationships failed miserably and yes I'm man enough to say I was an equal part in everything turning into a horror story. So the question is what do I do wrong? well I can tell you straight up the problem is I care to much, I'm a hopeless romantic chasing a dream searching for a life that's been dreamed of since a small child and building expectations that cannot possibly ever be met by anyone. So now I've identified where I screw up among many other things that I'll go into one day it's time to ask myself why my expectations so high, come on am I really that bad I just want a woman who respects themselves as well as me, who take care of themself and life their life in such a way that elevates themselves from the lower end of society to upper class, smart and sophisticated type of lifestyle. I want a woman who can laugh and uplift a room the moment they walk in and a woman who can make herself look good with out even trying and without plastering themselves in makeup, natural beauty is what I seek. So please tell me am i asking to much ? Maybe I am or maybe I'm not but either way it's what I look for so reallymthe end of the day am I destined to find that in life, or am I destined to roam the country side in search of something that in all reality does not exist only time will tell I guess, my other thing I find strange is the art of fishing or dancing depending on who your asking. Maybe it's my west Australian country up bringing but I'm the sort of guy who will dance and dance and dance some more but in the end I'll never deny my true feelings or intentions and when I see true potential I move forward and sieze the moment, now am I wrong for being like that. I think not but I need to draw the line in the sand and decide am I seizing something truly great and spectacular or am I just saving another tortured soul. That's been what I've done in the past I found 2 tortured souls and dragged them from the gutter and showed them a life like I described earlier but in the end they just wound back from where they came and as harsh as that is to say it's true. I'm not saying I'm all that but I'm a strong confident male who doesn't shy away from anything and my heart is filled with compassion for anyone who needs my help so I don't think I'm being to snobby for saying that am I. Which now takes me to part once again I've looked and found someone who mets what I'm looking for so far and what's even better is this one doesn't need saving so what's going on? Well even I can tell you that I've got a lot to work out in my head and I'm still healing from my last encounter with medusa but I'm moving along in leaps and bounds much quicker then I thought and thats thanks to that lady out there but it's still a long way to come for me, I still have my morals and values and I'm not going to push anything anywhere till I work out where my heart really is laying, but I'll tell you what it's going in the direction of falling hard but this time I'm going to be smart and pull up now and go backnto finding my true self, the old me the one that everyone who knows me loves and can't get enough of. That person got lost a long time ago and still isn't back but I'm getting there, you know what they say slow and stead wins the race but till next time I'm saying see ya later I'm getting bitten by the bug again the one that says be one with nature and go out bush for a while and pull your head in hahaha

Break me down

It's been a while since I wrote one of these but the fans have been calling and I'm here to deliver. It's been 3 months and 2 days since I left the problems behind and walked away and really has it got any better or am I delaying the enevadable. Careful consideration and countless miles on a lonely dark road have bought me to a place called Newcastle now not for a second did I ever even consider this place as a resting place for me, it was more like possibly Queensland or maybe even Adelaide and both of those places I know and feel comfortable there but this place I'm in now well it blows me away. Do you believe in destiny ? I know I don't but it kinda feels like a higher force has brought me to this point but I'm not arguing with I'm really enjoying myself here and living my life not looking back, I've even met a beautiful woman whom I can't mention any names but if she is reading this I'm sure she will know who I'm talking bout. What can I say bout her from what I've seen she is the ying to my yang but I know it's only early days but I can sense I'm onto a good thing so only time will tell if this story will be a best seller or shot it self down like a b grade 1960 horror movie. The anger inside has wained a little but not much I still scare myself with my thoughts of what would happen if i returned to the dark place from where I met that woman, not even god knows anymore with what's going on cause I've made a choice to stand and live I'll be back with part 2 very soon my friends for know I must put on a cape and save the world I'm no ordinary man my friends