The day it all changed

Yesterday life changed, i learnt some things that completely turned my entire thought process around. Pretty amazing for something like that to happen and yet has it helped my journey forward any easier or has it complicated things even more. I now truely understand what makes me, me and why i have done the things i have done, and why i pushed the envelope further and further each day. The question i have always asked myself is why did i give the woman i loved with all my heart everything, and when i say everything i mean everything including my health and sanity. Now some people might say that doesnt make sense but i say i dont care because in my head it all makes sense and a large puzzle piece has fallen into place. So how do you label someone like me and what i do or did. People thought i was mad for going out of my way to do the things i did for dena, but i did and i did it because i wanted to be loved i wanted to be loved so badly i would sacrifice my own well being to ensure i felt it, and so the the answer came to me i realized why. Since an early age i have always wanted only two things ..... love and acceptance and i yet the person aho was meant to give it to me never did and so i grew through life forming complex thoughts and extremily confused mannerisms and so i became a man and as i moved away from home i went searching for the very things i wanted the most and thats when jodi came on to the scene. I turned my entire relationship into a search for what i missed my entire life and i looked for acceptance, so i gave my heart body and soul to what i believed was right but i learnt the hard way as it was not right. Do you think i learnt though .................Nope cause i repeated the same mistake with dena i and i looked for that same very thing i wanted and once again i never found it i gave my all but instead of recieving what i wanted and needed i was used, cheated and manipulated they took what i gave them and they kept taking and taking and taking some more. Was i asking for to much though, did i expect to much .......... maybe but i least i tried and now with the dust starting to settle on the latest mess i find myself out there again in the wide open world seeking answers seeking change but most importantly seeking happines.............................................................................................................