2 taboo

Another topic of hot discussion is mental illness, now from where im standing ive seen a lot of people fall from this problem including myself. But what causes this problem, why does it affect so many people. I search far and wide for the answers and i have yet to discover why. In my case i wonder what started my desent into darkness, was it because i truely have something wrong with me as my ex tried so hard to label me with me, or is the issue a lot more complex then some people realize. Back in the day i used to be happy not a care in the world, i never used to struggle day to day or find it hard to cope in everyday life. As i got older and i started to have kids of my own things started to change, now its not my kids that made me start become depressed in fact it was the complete oppisite they lifted me to new hights they taught me how to love in ways i have never loved before and i learnt the true meaning of giving everything i have heart body and soul to protect them. But i made a mistake somewhere down the line with everything inside of me i gave to my kids and the woman i loved but i neglected myself and i allowed myself to sink myself into a hole. Why i did that i do not know i guess my biggest problem is that i care to much. Because i let myself go so badly i affected everyone around me, my children but most of all the woman i loved and as a result my ex and i turned on each other and i a bad way, i couldnt control why i was becoming depressed and she couldnt cope with me and the way i turned. So what is the reason i became depressed? Well lets see Have you ever loved someone so much you give them your all, not expression literally given them your all for when you know they are your heart and you are their armour and you will destroy anyone that will try to harm her, but then karma turned around and bite me and everthing i stood for turned on me despite me. My kids were used against me, they were used to control me, used to make me conform to and order i was not ready to follow i was pushed around and controlled by a woman that wanted me all to herself did want me to have friends didnt want me to have a life didnt want me to do anything. As my depression set in i needed my friends as she couldnt help me the way i needed and that killed me inside so i guess can you understand how it went so bad between us. It got to a point that i had no other choice i had to turn on her or leave her. I didnt want to leave her i loved her with all my heart but i wasnt going to turn on her i just couldnt do it, so i tried to leave not to hurt her but to heal inside but as each time i tried to leave my kids were used against me they were used to dictate what i did and where i went and because i loved them so much i let it happen i kept coming back even though i was falling apart and hurting them more and more as each day renewed until now it got to such a point that it was do or die and i refused to die i just couldnt by my ex couldnt understand and she thought i was punishing her so she punished me she took my kids off me and i became a monster i became the very thing i have tried to keep at bay my entire life so i ask this question if i managed to keep my sickness at bay would things be different or would they still be the same. Understanding and trust is the key to helping someone who needs help and im not afraid to admit i needed help but its to late now the damage is done but i live and that is most important i will live for my kids i will live for my friends but most importantly i will for myself and i will not allow myself to fall into an abyss again i will come back to my kingdom a happy healthy  man and reclaim what i have lost